Take Notes!

I decided to write blogs again yesterday. I feel like growing old. My memories are not as good as they are used to be. I started to take notes and scribble down itenaries whenever I can to avoid mistakes. This kind of feeling is totally a shock to me in a way that I have never thought I would have to worry about. It is ironic. When you were younger, you thought everything was under your control, and you never caved in. But now, facing the reality of life, your aspirations and ambitions seem like bunkus.

But I am comfortably in peace with everything now in my life. The world politics suck globally right now, I still feel upset about the air and food condition in this country, I can’t find passion in my work, and I can’t have my savings up in my account. But these really don’t matter at all, now that I have a beautiful daughther who is as sweet as pumpkin pies and the family is getting along well like from the beginning. I have to admit that sometimes I do have anxiety over things like business plans and child education, but overall I am aware that these anxieties often come from comparison with others’ lives and usually they would fade out automatically.

Our family has a tradition of not keeping memories — scarce photos (we don’t even have a photo album in the house), no collections of any hobby stuff of any sort. But strangely enough, I find this perfectly acceptable. Notable memories still linger in my head and no one can take that away from me.

But I decide to do some changes for my daughter. I want her to remember her childhood when she grows up. I want her to cherish the moments we share, because in the end, what people have at last is their childhood, no matter how good or bad it is.

Ashley just had her second birthday this month. Second. What a fresh number! You can even write this number in less than half a second. So what I am saying is that I am literally taking notes for her. She deserves this. The moment she was born, I was not there. But I want to be “there” for her in the next 16 or 18 years.

Looking back, my life changes a lot over the past 10 years. I was lost. I was heartbroken. I was joyful. I was contemplative. I was furious. I was in despair. But I guess I now have made reconciliation with myself.

These being said, Ashley, let me take you with me aboard this life-long journey that is ahead of us. I will take notes of your important moments of joy and sadness for you to remember in future. I want you to remember that you have all my love UNCONDITIONALLY.

And this blog is dedicated to you, of course.

Los Angeles, CA 2018. Suffering from stomach flu still.


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The Patriot

However, without the support of tamed people that still stay unspoken at large, the movement will only be a minor threat to the existing Big Brother.

We have noticed that there is a wave of “revolution” here in China, yet unknow to most of the citizens. Internet posts have already revealed a little bit of what is going on.

This afternoon, I even received a multimedia text message from one unidentified user. This message is composed of several pictures, and one short voice mail. Begins with a ” Happy Chinese Rabbit Year” and “Welcome the new year with Buddha’s law” (honestly, I was a little bit confused), this message goes on with one audio file, dictated and translated as below:

My friends, have you ever heard of  the “Three Quit”?  The Chinese Communist Party has ruled China for 60 years, but has never stopped killing its people. Through movements like The Land Revolution, Tree-Anti Campaign, Five-Anti Campaign, Counter-Revolution Campaign, June 4 massacre of students, and suppression of Fa Long Gong, they killed more than 80 million people, which exceeds the amount that were killed during two world wars in total. Anyone who conducts immoral deeds shall be condemned by Karma. God will surely judge CCP in the days to come. However, many benign Chinese have been forced to join the party and its affliation. The mercy God has always provided us with a chance to secede from this evil party. God is always fair and invincible. Good and wrong will be judged. Walk out of the poignant sea. Life or death hangs on your prompt decision.

It is quite appalling to see this kind of message from your own cell phone. The voice sounds filled with both rage and confidence that anyone without independent thinking will be convinced right away. I asked myself, Why?

The party has collided with its people from decades ago, especailly since the Cultural Revoltion and 1989. Many innocents were killed by the waves of polictal movements. But since then, the people have been tamed into slient goats that are afraid of speaking out. School education has also been automatically adjusted into a political machine that attempts to teach the students to lie and disrespect free thinking and speaking. Innovation is unconsciouly dead in student’s childhood and further suppressed through early schooling. Now, the daily living cost is soaring up. Ludicrous prices of complex rooms, high tax, unbearable oil price, and worst of all, low salaries actually are adding oil to the fire. Everyone is truly complain about the life here. In George Orwell’s nove 1984, people was brainwashed by the political system that is composed of several ministries. They are not aware of their suppressed condition except the protagnist, Winston Smith. All people’s lives in this book are watched by the Big Brother through those screens hung on every household’s wall. The national statistics are flawed and unreal. Ministry of Truth manipulates people’s information and their knowledge. Doublethink, as Smith indicates, is the surviving chance of a conscious mind.

Only last Sunday, people in Beijing, Shanghai and other big cities in China have witnessed a parade on streets. Judged from the information on-line, the participants were people from all walks of life that demanded for equal rights, job posts, fair pay, free publishing, abolishment of dictatorship, ect. Those problems have long exsited in China, and now real people have the guts to stand out and speak. I say this is good indeed. But I begin to worry about the future of China at the same time.

Let’s put the parade aside for a while. If this movement comes to big, and finally wins some day. What will be China like? Have the people fully prepared for a new country? Do they have a clear plan for the new system? Do they know how to manage the corrupting economy? Do they have the promising layout for the new Constitution?

Even if they have, can they improve the awareness of people’s understanding of democracy, people’s rights, and law-orient society?

Chinese has adopted the Confucian way of living for thousands of years. This philosophy teaches people to be bad. It teaches people to cheat and everything one learns should be useful for future career–not surprisingly yes–to be governement officers. The Confucianism has been condenmed during the New Culture Revolution in 1910s, and 1960s-70s while the Cultural Revolution took the lead. But we are witnessing a comeback of this philosophy these years in national televisons and bookstores. People are so vacant in their minds that the urge to fill it up has driven them to worship something real Chinese, no matter it is good or not. To combat the vigorous foreign cultures (esp. American’s) with tradition, which is believed to be classic, is the easiest way to get comfort for the wandering souls.

I am quite happy to see the movement going on, but still the irrisistible puls to worry about the future takes over me. Scarifice is inevitable. Tryouts shall be encouraged, no matter it wins or fails at last.

However, without the support of tamed people that still stay unspoken at large, the movement will only be a minor threat to the existing Big Brother.